Stéphane Dion proves he is an environmentalist
Paul Wells | April 13, 2007 | 00:20:19 | Permalink
April, 2006: Launches Liberal leadership bid. Says a third pillar, environmental sustainability, must be added to the first two, prosperity and social justice.
May-November, 2006: 472 speeches about the third pillar. None about the first two.
December, 2006: Green scarves.
January, 2007: Releases environmental policy.
February, 2007: Releases environmental policy.
March, 2007: Series of economic speeches. Subject: The environment.
April 2007: Designates Green Party as the only national party whose leader will not
face a Liberal at the next general election.
May, 2007: Releases environmental policy.
June, 2007: Giant "Have we Mentioned the Environment Yet?" rally at the Bay of Fundy.
July, 2007: New budgie. Names it Al Gore.
August-October, 2007: Launches "I'm So Green I'm a Freaking Leprachaun" tour.
November, 2007: Releases environmental policy.
December, 2007: During emergency Commons debate about crisis in Iran, releases environmental policy.
New Year's Eve, 2007: Descends from tower at Times Square in New York City in a giant illuminated green ball, releasing his environmental policy.
January, 2008: New pet mongoose. Names it My Owner, Stéphane Dion,
Hosted an Environmental Conference Once in Montreal and There Was a Nice Editorial in the New York Times.
February, 2008: Releases environmental policy. This one calls for Canada to reduce its greenhouse-gas emissions to zero and then begin sucking greenhouse gases from other countries and the ozone layer and transforming the greenhouse gases into jaunty bouquets of flowers for all the boys and girls, before next Tuesday.
March, 2008: New dog. Names it Kyoto Kyoto Kyoto-Kyoto Kyoto.
April, 2008: Moves into a recyclable nylon tent with Elizabeth May.
May, 2008: Election campaign begins. Liberal staffers excitedly tell reporters the party has abandoned its campaign plane in favour of individual campaign Segways using special batteries fuelled with the reporters' own urine.
June, 2008: Releases environmental policy. Has himself surgically attached to Elizabeth May. Changes dog's name to Elizabeth May Kyoto-Kyoto Kyoto. Hires Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon to die Dion's face green, using environmentally responsible pigments made from reporters' urine. Launches hunger strike which will last until Canada begins importing
greenhouse gases from other planets for transformation into jaunty bouquets for all the boys and girls, using special rockets fuelled with reporters' urine.
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